Vee chasing dreams

Can I write this now without balling my eyes out? I am at the office with a good cup of coffee to start the afternoon session. My view is a rain show against the wet green backdrop, yet still inviting, plus the Ampayon Creek itself.

I relate to the sad weather as I confront the idea that Vee, my sister, is leaving for Singapore next Wednesday. Tomorrow night, she will fly to Manila in preparation for the final briefing and the flight. This means that tomorrow is her last day with us at home. With only two years age gap, I have witnessed Vee’s transition from a playmate to a responsible and driven young adult. She applied as a nurse in Singapore and only told us days before the contract signing in Cebu last year. This March, she is fulfilling the role.

This is not the first time a family member has left the house for work for good. Vince, my elder brother, has been based in Cebu since 2016. But this is the first time a member will leave for an opportunity abroad. We managed to minimize the display of heavy emotions as she prepared her documents and kept a temporary job at a hospital in the city. But the good longing is here, finally materializing and approaching its full swing.

How do you let go of a confidante? Vee knows some of my biggest secrets, what I am doing in life, who I appreciate, try to like, and forget to have existed. She understands that when I vent out, I only need a listener. When I enter and end a romance, I seek her advice because she is frank. I need that persona when I am emotionally blue. So all of this feels like losing a best friend, but all for a big sake that, as her brother, I also want her to chase.

Adulthood and its big man decisions are not comforting anymore. This is far from the fondness when replaying Tom & Jerry with my siblings over the weekend, which is more appealing when our parents left us alone for some errands in the city. We fiddled with parental independence, but we were together, Vee, Vincent, and I.

Our career paths turned out to be far different from what we imagined on our bunk beds, during late nights before cellphones and the internet, which we dismissed over a series of games involving pillows, blankets, cards, listing games, and what trended in our home in a rural setting.

More than a decade later, we find ourselves in different cities, expanding our network and aspirations. Some days, we move with time as though walking on a fine day. Often, it is confusingly fast with gut-wrenching changes. It is high risk and very much sacrificial, adulthood, I mean. But it is now. It is the elephant in the room.

There is a longing for the physical loss of a loved one. But there is also a glimmer piercing the dark grey clouds and signifying the end of the reign of February rain. Vee is only starting to chase her dreams. I cannot wait for her to live THE LIFE she envisions in her head.