Taking a breather

The walk from our office to the comfort room takes five minutes back and forth. We were relocated to the university library from the Administration Building, considering we take charge of welcoming guests who usually drop first at the library lounge for orientation. I appreciated this late, especially since it is a hassle for someone like me who frequently pee. But this is a welcome change and adjustment because walking feels necessary most days.

When I get stuck in a story I am drafting, I get up from my chair and head to the comfort room. I touch the walls on the way—the library has tall walls with winning paintings from contests—as if they have the answers or the words to expound my write-up. 

The breather when you are stuck in a seat you cannot leave for now is deep breathing. Only some people know how to breathe properly, which I also learned late. It is into the nose and out to the mouth. It is conscious, unlike the in and out from the nose alone. And it only takes at least a minute to perform deliberately for noticeable results. 

Taking a breather is best exemplified by running in the afternoon after a good nap, which was my way to get some fresh air and radical perspective in the early days of the breakup. It works. I get a live view of life from how people move and perform along Ambago and Masao’s stretch. The adjacent barangays are not as progressive as Libertad (my community) but lead to Masao Beach, which does not have the most inviting clear water but good seafood, which drew us, my DA workmates, for lunch there back in the day. 

I carry a hundred when I run there and stop by a convenience store for a Soya drink along the entrance of the only subdivision in the area. That store saw me gasping for air sometimes, but not aware it was not solely because of the run. 

June 16, 2024 | 6:39 AM

I jogged as early as 5 AM! I ran the same route yesterday. My thighs hurt now. Meaning, I am progressing. I really want to practice self-love. I realized on the run that this episode in my life is important to reveal ways I can manage heartbreaks better.

I do not intend to stop loving—it’s a magnificent feeling. But before I commit again, I pick myself first and listen to my needs. My feelings and devastation are valid, but I’ll get over them very soon. Until then, I choose me. 

Taking a breather is the detour when I feel close to breaking down. It feels like hopping into a hot-air balloon and swaying with the wind for a while for clarity. 

We do not always win in life, but we always gain lessons that make more sense when we step out of the equation for a breather. What would your radical self do about this pain you hold on to so badly? You ask questions like that.   

We do not realize all the time, but noticing the plant on your desk is a simple breather. Singing along to the songs that used to hurt you is an intermediate breather. Seeing yourself in the mirror and regaining quiet courage is a hard breather. But there you realize, you have always been freer. 

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Excerpt from Passion Project II