Small wins

It’s the last week of August! If September is the most enchanting month in my ears, August comes second, but like pre-fall. It’s when the leaves hint to orangey, shyly. It remains sunny these days, but there are colder nights when it rains. This morning, the 26th, is a mood board for coffee and slow dancing. I have not been writing, but today is inviting.

August records the toughest challenge I have faced in my 25th year. I am recovering from a breakup that turned my world into full swing. It feels like I have lost count of my sense of self and being a master planner because all that I laid down in 10 years became futile in a blink. The fall is an unrecoiling traitor. It’s your first thought in the morning and bogs you down as you prepare for the work ahead. It accompanies you to the office. You mask it with full smiles and friendly acts during events, meals, and coffee hours.

I sit with the pain right now, but I also recognize that it gets easier eventually. I discovered a quote I keep as my wallpaper: ”The price of growth is pain, but the pain passes, and the growth remains.”

It takes 21 days to build a habit, but it is uncertain how long it would take to unlearn old ones. But with the vacancy in time and thrill, I welcome changes with full arms. I go to the movies with my sister. I also join coffee dates and short trips with friends. I am relearning the old ways I enjoyed when I was single but also discovering new ways in the name of knowing myself better. Aside from exploring genres outside my reading comfort and dedicating a physical notebook for my burning thoughts, I run during weekends. Running has been freeing me, which I discovered during the pandemic. When my body lures me to stay in bed, I remind myself that not doing it is equivalent to not showing up for myself. I need it like self-respect.

More than self-relish, I have officially entered the world of speaking engagements. This month alone, I imparted my knowledge and skills about IEC development and journalism in two separate events with development practitioners and college students as participants. It was fulfilling how the lecture and workshop I developed came to life and application. I discovered how passionate I am about teaching. Recalling what stuck with me during my interview with Dr. Lando for a feature at work, “If it is your purpose, you are driven to it, no matter the sacrifices. So, even if I had to stay up late or rise at dawn to prepare for my lessons, I willingly do it.”

It is easier to float along when directed to your imagined village with the same people you planned it for. But like how twists and burns are favored in the movies (and life practically), I am not restricting the current. I closed an important chapter of my life this month but earned some wins on the riverbed. And I take them with humility.