NOvember

It is almost the end of the year. In two days, November will fade into memory. Unlike last year when I was high and in a bubble upon discovering Bohol through somebody's eyes, I feel very solitary this year. I persist in retracing what used to be my ways before romance happened and bombed me. But I am also inside a new forest as I continue exploring what more these changes could offer.

A high lesson from this canopy is how routines can guide your ways, but not always because some emotional triggers can swirl you up.

It is like driving—yes, I can talk about it because I know how to drive now—on a new route. You have the skill, but there are humps you do not know where exactly, which ups the challenge. Or the knowledge that you could stumble in your walk home when that song seeps into the queue.

But the trick that works for me is simply paddling through it: recognizing that it still triggers you but saying NO about it taking over your day.

I have mastered saying no to people and invites without pleasing them with white lies. But saying no when my emotions want to drive my train of thought is new territory for me.

It looks like sleeping in on a Saturday because the heart is heavy, but the mind picks me up to feed the dogs, do the laundry, prepare brunch, and then study. It appears close to 5 PM over the weekend when I should be ready for my run when my lazy legs want to continue the movie series with a cup of coffee (a very bad reward reinforcement).

But say YES to a movie invite

It may always be reasonable to say no to people. But with yourself, it looks like betrayal, a battle between comfort and what is beneficial. I do not always win against bad habits. I purposely omit the word good when greeting people in the morning because I did not wake up with a clear headspace. But many lows signal future highs to me (this is my lesson from cryptocurrency). Show up. That is quiet courage.